Presence of Mind

Posted: June 12, 2014 in Funny Stories
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Check your presence of mind. Take the test.

Relax, clear your mind and begin, what’s the 1st answer that comes to your mind???

Question 1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: Bread. If you said Toast, give up now and do something else… Try not to hurt yourself. If you said bread, go to Question 2.

Question 2. Say ‘Silk’ five times. Now spell ‘Silk.’ What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘Milk,’ don’t attempt the next question.
Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself by reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said ‘Water,’ proceed to question 3…

Question 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said ‘Green Bricks,’ why the hell are you still reading these??? If you said ‘Glass,’ go on to Question 4.

Question 4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane crashes from 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into East and West Germany) Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, ‘No man’s land’???
Answer: You don’t bury survivors!!! If you said ANYTHING else, you must stop. If you said, ‘You don’t bury survivors,’ proceed to the next question.

Question 5. Please don’t use a calculator – You are driving a bus from Mumbai to Pune. In Mumbai , 17 people get on, in Pune, 16 get off. Name the driver. Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember your own name? It was YOU!!!

Speeding Judges!

Posted: May 15, 2014 in Funny Stories

The Goat and The Horse

Posted: May 6, 2014 in Funny Stories

There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat.

One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I’ll come back on the 3rd day and if he’s not better, we’re going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat approached the horse and said: Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they’re going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.

The goat came back and said: Come on buddy, get up or else you’re going to die! Come on, I’ll help you get up. Let’s go! One, two, three…

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said: Unfortunately, we’re going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: Listen pal, it’s now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That’s it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three… Good, good. Now faster, come on… Fantastic! Run, run more!

Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you’re a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: It’s a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party. Let’s Cook the goat!!!!

Lesson: Management never knows which employee actually deserves the appraisal.

There is an old story about a fellow who lived alone and went to a pet store to buy a parrot. He thought the bird might fill some of his lonely hours. The very next day, however, he came back to complain, “That bird doesn’t talk.”

The store owner asked if he had a mirror in its cage, and the man said he didn’t. “Oh, parrots love mirrors,” he explained. “When he sees his reflection in the mirror, he’ll just start talking away.” So he sold him a birdcage mirror.

The bird owner was back the next day to gripe that his parrot still hadn’t said a word. “That’s very peculiar,” allowed the pet expert. “How about a swing? Birds really love these little swings, and a happy parrot is a talkative parrot.” So the man bought a swing, took it home, and installed it in the cage.

But he was back the next day with the same story. “Does he have a ladder to climb?” the salesman asked. “That just has to be the problem. Once he has a ladder, he’ll probably talk your ear off!” So the fellow bought a ladder.

The man was back at the pet store when it opened the next day. From the look on his face, the owner knew something was wrong. “Didn’t your parrot like the ladder?” he asked. His repeat customer looked up and said, “The parrot died.”

“I’m so sorry,” the stunned businessman said. “Did he ever say anything?”

“Well, yes. He finally talked just before he died. In a weak little voice, he asked me, “Don’t they sell any bird seed at that pet store?’”

Some of us have mistakenly thought that happiness consists of lining our cages with toys, gadgets, and other stuff. Excessive consumption has become the hallmark of our life. “Whoever has the most toys wins” seems to be the likely candidate to be the bumper sticker for an entire culture. But is it so?

There is a spiritual hunger in the human heart that can’t be satisfied by seeing one’s own image reflected back in vanity mirrors, playing with our grown-up toys, or climbing the corporate ladder. Our hearts need real nourishment.The love of family and friends,relationships over the pursuit of more things, personal integrity, a secure connection to God –these are the things that feed the soul.

Have you chosen a life course that leads to a destination that matters?

lipstick prints

Posted: April 8, 2014 in Funny Stories
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10153899_645054228917332_4483143685157310455_nAccording to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators…